Coffee Talk: What Your Coffee Says About You

This is a guest post by Jennifer Kardish. Learn more about how you can guest post for Daily Shot Of Coffee here.

Coffee lovers are not all made the same. Just as there are many ways to get your caffeine fix, the coffee you keep in your cabinet can speak volumes about your personality. Are you a lover or a fighter? Do you prefer the ladies or the gents? Are you stuck in another era or on the cutting-edge? Are you a jackrabbit or a slow-and-steady-wins-the-race sort? All of this and more can be ascertained from your morning cup of joe, so read on to find out what your coffee says behind your back!

Espresso. You are definitely a type-A go-getter. Competitive and impatient, you don’t need the jolt of caffeine, but it sure does enhance your already high-strung, aggressive demeanor (which is perfect since you’ll use any advantage to get ahead). You may not be able to literally tear off the heads off your idiot co-workers (that would be illegal), but you can certainly put them in their place with a few well-aimed barbs concerning their complete lack of intellect.

Drip coffee. You are a meat and potatoes, salt of the earth kind of coffee drinker. You don’t need all that fancy paraphernalia (what the heck is a French press anyway?) to enjoy your java. You take the time to brew it proper and sit down to enjoy it, unlike those uncultured newbies who get their coffee from a drive-through. If you drink it black, you are no-nonsense and down to earth. People often approach you for advice and value your opinion. If you drink it with cream and sugar, you are calm and compassionate. You make people feel at home. By all accounts, you are the perfect mate.

Percolator coffee. Really it’s the same as drip, but in a coarser blend, so like you might have expected, people who drink this type of coffee come across like lumberjacks. You can expound upon the benefits of drip or gourmet coffee, but you might as well bang your head against a steel door for all the effect you’ll have. Perc-drinkers are gruff and they don’t take anyone’s abuse. They are the immovable force of the coffee world, so if you don’t want to get steam-rolled, you’d better get out of their way.

Gourmet coffee. If you drink one of the many coffees out there tainted by the sweet and nutty confections of a million little rainbow-loving elves, well, I think you get the idea. People who drink gourmet coffee are miserable elitists who jump on every passing fad like it was the magic carpet to stardom. They harbor delusions of grandeur when in fact, everyone hates them. In truth, they have deep-seated insecurities and rarely even like themselves. So go get yourself another steaming (s)mug, because it’s your only real friend.

Instant coffee. Are you on a space mission or taking an airline flight in 1970? No? Then throw away the instant coffee! People who insist on drinking this sad abomination are both lazy and resistant to change. They may suffer from moderate to severe depression, probably due to the fact that they are slowly strangling their taste buds. Replace their freeze-dried crystals with some real coffee and watch them drink a second cup (but he never has a second cup at home!). Only you have the power to save a life.

Jennifer Kardish is a communications coordinator at Wholesale Kitchen Cabinets. You can check out their free design tips for your kitchen and home.

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Photo by Dasein Design.

Category: Coffee Thoughts, Funny